One mama. Two positive and empowering birth stories. One in hospital and one at home. Thank you Ruby for sharing them with us.
My first birth was in hospital, we planned it that way as we had recently moved out of Bristol and felt slightly anxious about the possibility of needing to transfer if we tried for a home birth. Before this birth I planned to go all natural, no pain relief and use hypnobirthing techniques - of course, nature had other plans! My baby was back to back and for me, this meant my contractions were very drawn out and not as "effective", so after a long labour I chose to surrender and embrace the epidural from a place of informed empowered decision making! My midwife, partner and anaesthetist were so incredibly supportive and encouraging, and gave me the strength and words of affirmation (and reminders to breathe) that I needed to keep me going! From that moment on I was able to release the fears that had kept me stuck and trying to escape the pain, and relax as I controlled the dose of medication and the sensation. I was happy that I was still able to feel contractions and be active in my birth. The pushing phase was my favourite part, finally I felt I could DO something after so much time needing to surrender and flow. I felt so powerful as I roared my baby out, not with a fearful scream but an urgent and joyful and guttural call to bring her earth side. She landed on my chest with dark eyes wide open, and I think I said something like, "oh, it's you!" It was a beautiful birth, not the one I imagined but the one I needed. With this birth I think I needed to realise it was okay to accept help and support, okay to need pain relief, okay to be in hospital. It was a really empowering and healing experience for me.
For my second birth, I felt confident in a different way, having done it once before and I decided to opt for a homebirth. I was really supported in this choice by my midwives and I attended Charlotte's hypnobirthing power course which was honestly integral to my personal birth planning and preparation - I loved doing the relaxation exercises with my partner, it was a really bonding experience. With this birth I spent so much time preparing and visioning, and because my first birth was so long I steeled myself for a slow, drawn out labour - you can probably guess what happened next! My labour came on slow and stop start, but suddenly kicked into gear without my realising! My dad came to stay so he could look after my eldest daughter, we had all enjoyed relaxing together and gone to bed, my partner was in with my eldest and I went off to bed thinking I'd have another night of on off contractions to sleep through and then maybeeeee tomorrow it would be go time. I laid in bed with my headphones on and breathed. After an hour or so I noticed I couldn't really fall asleep or just breathe through anymore but I was still in denial about labour starting! I moved around on my bed for a while and started timing contractions, then I realised they were quite close together so I went and got my partner. We were both very relaxed, not realising how far along I was! In the end, the midwives arrived about 45 mins before our 2nd daughter was born. I had laboured in the bathroom for a while thinking I might get in the bath but it never felt quite right and despite being totally open to gas and air there wasn't enough time! The urge to push took over the moment I moved to my bed and Imani was born shortly after. The sensation was different to my first birth, they were both so unique and empowering. All throughout my second pregnancy I had visualised my baby being born and looking into their eyes like I did with my first daughter Aretha, but when my 2nd was born, her eyes were closed! It made me chuckle. My births on the surface were so different from one another but they were both SO beautiful and empowering in their own ways. I have no regrets about either of them, and my daughters are thriving.
