The concept of Matrescence encompasses the physical, psychological, and emotional changes a woman goes through when transitioning into motherhood. Through matrescence, we recognise the radical changes in women's bodies, hormones, relationships, and identities as we navigate the profound transformations of becoming mothers. Matrescence is an invitation to normalise the highs and lows of early motherhood and to create a new model of care and support for women.
The Origins of Matrescence:
The term Matrescence was first formulated in 1973 by Dana Raphael, a medical anthropologist who also popularised the use of the word "doula" in the '70s. Although there has been more interesting research and publications surrounding the concept of Matrescence in the decades that followed (see books suggestions below), it is still relatively rare to hear or read about it, even from antenatal educators.
The Emotional Rollercoaster:
In Western culture, the most common term used to describe the challenging side of the emotional rollercoaster that is early motherhood is 'Baby blues.' Many of us may have used this term at some point without delving into its true meaning or why we experience waves of sadness, fear, and sometimes anger. Left unexplained, these emotions can be truly overwhelming and can significantly impact a mother's mental health.
Navigating Postpartum Challenges:
It is worth mentioning that some of us may seek help, sometimes expecting to be diagnosed with Postpartum Depression or Postpartum Anxiety, only to leave our medical appointment even more confused as we may fall outside the diagnostic criteria. Conversely, we may receive a diagnosis of Postpartum Depression with medication being prescribed without the appropriate expert support being offered to overcome those challenges. By raising awareness and normalising the reality of Matrescence, we can genuinely support mothers in navigating these waves with more acceptance and empower them with practical tools to prepare for the reality of postpartum.
Expressing Common Feelings:
Here's how these feelings are often expressed: “I love my baby, but I don’t have the right maternal instincts,” and “I’m not enjoying this; mostly, I feel tired,” and “I feel so guilty because I wanted a baby more than anything, but sometimes I find myself feeling bored and even resentful.” If you recognise yourself in these statements, please remember that such introspective thoughts are very common and are likely the result of the physical and hormonal changes you are going through, mixed with extreme sleep deprivation and the pressure of being a 'perfect' parent... Be kind and patient with yourself, and remember to recognise and celebrate the amazing work you're doing!
The Tug of War:
There is also an abundance of love in Matrescence, with the hormone Oxytocin flowing through the mother's body, supporting the bonding process between her and her baby. However, it's normal to feel conflicted and challenged as you navigate the early days and weeks of your new mothering chapter - each birth will bring a unique but also very recognisable pattern of emotions. As part of you is pulling towards absolute commitment and abnegation to care for your newborn, another part of you will pull the other way, reminding you to care for yourself, from the basic needs of eating, sleeping, and having a shower, to exercising, socialising, taking care of your relationships, etc. As Alexandra Sacks (reproductive psychiatrist and leading expert on Matrescence) writes in one of her publications: "Many new mums find themselves feeling like they are in a push and pull, an emotional tug of war, as they try to figure out how to care for themselves and their baby’s needs at the same time."
Encouraging Openness and Support:
What I wish to achieve through this post is to normalise those feelings that might challenge your early mothering experience and to encourage you to share them with other mums. You might feel very lonely and maybe even guilty of some of your thoughts and emotions, but through awareness and communication, hopefully, you will quickly realise that this is all part of the incredible - and messy - ride that is Motherhood. You've got this!
Helpful books on Matrescence
Mama Rising: Discovering the New You Through Motherhood by Amy Taylor Kabbaz.
What No One Tells You: A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood by Alexandra Sacks.
Matrescence: On the Metamorphosis of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood by Lucy Jones.
If you wish to discuss your matrescence challenges and explore how I can help you through this transition, feel free to get in touch or book a 30-minute free consultation. I offer 1:1 sessions in-person or online, using Hypnotherapy, CBT, NLP and mindfulness as well as talking therapy. I can also signpost to other expert support in Bristol.
You've got this and we've got you!