With first time pregnancies particularly, many of us feel a great deal of pressure to keep going with business as usual; busy at work, busy social life, busy getting your home ready, etc. And few months down the line, as the birth approaches, there can be a sense of fear and worry about our ability to bond with our baby. “Did I do enough?” “How should I be feeling?” “Is this feeling unconditional love”?
With subsequent pregnancies, the challenges are different but can be even more overwhelming as you are also caring for another child, so taking time for yourself and your growing baby can be even more tricky.
It’s obvious, but I’ll say it anyway… It’s ok if right now you’re not sure about how you feel. The fact that you are asking yourself these questions and looking into ways to grow your bond means that you are already a caring parent. But if you are looking for tips to use during your pregnancy to find a deeper connection with your baby, you'll find my top ones below.
Remember that whichever way you are feeling right now, sometimes it’s just time and small things that’s needed. You don’t have to do all of this every day… Pick what feels right and trust your instinct.
Gently touch, rub or massage your belly
When I reached the second trimester of my pregnancy, I started a routine: every evening, I would rub some pregnancy balm on my belly before going to bed. With time, those intimate moments became more and more meaningful. It was beyond the massaging of the skin; it was true connection between me and my son. Now, when I look back at my pregnancy, it’s always those moments that come to my mind first. Simple things that became the most treasured memories…
Talk or sing to your baby
Did you know that babies in the womb can hear from 16 weeks onwards? By talking or singing to them they will get to know your voice which will help them feel safe and secure. If you feel a bit silly talking to your bump, don’t worry – lots of people do. If you can’t think of anything to say, just chat about your day or share a story. The more you do it, the more you will feel connected with baby.
Respond to your baby’s kicks
In the third trimester, you can apply gentle pressure where baby is pushing against your tummy, or rub your belly where baby just kicked. You might notice that baby is responding to your interactions. This is a fun way to communicate but also a great opportunity to pay attention to your baby’s movement and kick patterns which is very important in the last few months of pregnancy.
Take time for self-care
Whichever way this looks like for you… Taking time for yourself to rest and relax (have a warm bath, put your feet up, listen to pregnancy relaxation tracks) can be precious opportunities to think about your baby, build that bond, and connect with your mama-self.
You may also like to write a diary or stories to the baby about what you are experiencing. This might help you noticing and focusing on the growing connection.
Join pregnancy yoga classes
As well as providing an opportunity to stretch and breathe, pregnancy yoga classes are great to tune in and feel more connected to your baby.
Book a Hypnobirthing Course
The Hypnobirthing course I teach is designed to help you feel more positive and prepared for the upcoming birth of your baby. The deep-relaxation scripts (a key part of the course) invite you to connect with your pregnant body and with your baby.
If you are stressed or anxious about the birth, it might indirectly make it harder for you to bond with your baby during your pregnancy as you might be avoiding those negative feelings by detaching yourself from the physical and emotional experience. Feel free to get in touch directly if you have any questions.
Have an ultrasound
Seeing your baby moving inside your womb can be a very powerful experience and can sometimes help to bond with baby since it can seem more ‘real’.
While there’s no evidence to suggest that ultrasound scans are unsafe, there are some potential effects of ultrasound that can lead to tissue damage or problems with development, depending on factors such as the stage of pregnancy, output power of the machine and how long the scan takes. Because of this, it is recommended to ask for references and recommendations before booking a private scan. Please note that sonography is not regulated in the UK so anyone can call themselves a sonographer.
You're not alone
Pregnancy can be a very challenging experience for some of us. Not only physically but also mentally. If you're experiencing the following symptoms, make an appointment to see your GP or health visitor, or contact the amazing PANDAS Foundation's free helpline.
Feeling low
Anxiety
Not enjoying life or pregnancy
Loss of self-confidence
Avoiding socialising
Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)
If you're affected by a past ‘traumatic’ experience that is having an impact on your pregnancy, you can also get in touch with me directly to explore the possibility of releasing those difficult feelings by using a gentle yet effective NLP technique called 3-step rewind.
Photo by Letticia Massari