Celebrating our wedding anniversary yesterday made me reflect on the life-changing transition of becoming parents for the first time.
Becoming 3 means welcoming more love in the life you have been building together - and believe me the amount of love I'm referring to here is far beyond anything you could've ever imagined before becoming a parent. But it also means redirecting some of the time and energy you would have dedicated to each other to another precious being...
Nothing truly prepares us for that transition. We just have to adjust while making sure that we can communicate our feelings and needs openly, so we can better support each other emotionally (the first weeks are particularly wild as we get to grips with sleep deprivation and experience big hormonal shifts); and practically (giving each other a chance to rest or take a shower can truly feel like a logistical challenge during those first weeks).
It's important to bear in mind and respect that we are also individually navigating our own transitions, becoming a mother or a father is so much more than a cool title...
So here are a few suggestions to help you make this transition smoother and hopefully easier:
1. Make a postpartum plan
Before the birth, discuss what you think you'll need (emotionally and practically) to feel well and supported. Creating a postpartum plan together can be a good way to make sure that you're both on the same page and understand what your respective needs will be. Mum's needs should obviously be the priority as she'll be recovering from the birth and will require loving care and support while she focuses on feeding your newborn child. Though, by understanding those needs and how to support them, dads (or the other mama) can truly feel empowered and included.
2. Prepare for the birth together
Choose a birth preparation method that provides tools for the birth partner to be truly involved and supportive during the birth. Journeying through the birth of your child as a team will make the postpartum period that much more special.
3. Plan a Babymoon
Keep the first few days back home as precious time for yourselves to settle into your new life. This closed circle can obviously be extended to caring family members, or a postpartum doula, if this is what you've identified in your postpartum wishes, and as long as the focus is fully on you 3 and on the following: resting, nurturing and bonding.
4. Book some 'us time'
Once you're ready and it feels right (it could be after a few weeks or months), start diarising regular dates to make sure that you still have time to be fully present with each other. Those could be a takeaway date at home, dinner out, or even a pub lunch while someone else is looking after your little one. These moments are important to be with each other as a couple instead of busy parents.
5. Take some 'me time'
Make sure to give each other some very precious 'me time'. The time you will be able to take for yourself will gradually increase as your little one grows, but remember to take short 'breaks' from the first weeks onward to do something that makes you feel good (take a bath with a book, meet your bestie for a glass of wine, go out for a run or join a yoga class, etc. It's all about feeling whole and feeling good. Parenthood is hard work, but it's easier if we both feel well and balanced in our bodies and minds.
You've got this! x
Photo by azara images.