This week is Mental Health Awareness Week, and the official theme this year is ‘loneliness.
After the birth of my son, and particularly during the first few months, I often felt isolated and lonely. I did not have any family living nearby, and having just recently moved to Bristol, I didn’t have any close friends to call for support.
For someone who loves being outdoors and going for long walks, the hours at home, struggling with breastfeeding, and getting used to sleep deprivation sometimes felt overwhelming.
I recall taking this photo as I’d decided to get out and breathe some fresh air. It was my first outing with O in the baby carrier. I took it to share with family with a short and cheerful message, while the truth is that I was going through some hard times. At that point, it felt easier to smile and say that everything was good instead of opening up. I didn’t want to sound ungrateful.
Soon after that, I started attending regular local groups like Mum & Baby Yoga, and reaching out to my precious Mama tribe - which I had met on a Hypnobirthing Course - so we would meet up for a coffee or a walk in the park. What initially might have felt like an effort became a rewarding source of purpose and structure in my weeks.
So, Mamas... First thing first, it’s ok to feel low and to miss your pre-baby life! You are not ungrateful. You are not less of an amazing mum because you wish someone could take the baby from you for an hour so you could have a nap or take a shower. You are just doing a very hard job, mostly on your own, and probably needing a bit more support. This early days’ support could come from close family and friends (people don’t always know the challenges you’re facing if you don’t talk about them), or even from a postnatal doula. Consider making a list of who you could reach out to, taking into consideration your personal situation and what postnatal support services are available in your area.
Then, when you are ready to ‘leave the house’, and there is no right time to do this (listen to your own needs), check out your local groups and events and start getting out there to connect with local mums. You should not do this alone, and there are hundreds of mums who will at some point be feeling just as lonely as you, wishing that they could share their experience (and some cake) with someone like you…
You’ve got this Mama!
If you are having a hard time and would like some support, you can contact me directly for a free 30 minute consultation, or reach out to @pandas_uk via their free helpline: 0808 1961 776.
